


when you let her go

by flowersandsunshine



Series: music of the heart [1]
Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/F, Lovely Little Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:53:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6123169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersandsunshine/pseuds/flowersandsunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meg comes out as bisexual and faces discrimination. Jaquie has an idea.<br/>For Lovely Little Femslash week - Fake Dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily influenced by a lot of the edits and playlists and gifsets I've seen on tumblr today for these two. May Meg and Jaquie find love.  
> A song fic, with lyrics from the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger.

1\. Only know you love her when you let her go 

Meg knocked on the door insistently. “Come on, Peter, open up!” she said, irritated. She knocked again, and again. “I can hear you moving in there!” she finally shouted through the door.

The door was flung open and Meg stepped back, surprised. “Jaquie,” she said. “Hi.”

Jaquie crossed her arms and looked Meg up and down. “Margaret. What can I do for you?”

Meg peered into Peter’s room and frowned. “Is Peter here?”

“He climbed out the window about an hour ago.” Jaquie shrugged. “I’ve just been waiting for him to come back. Scrolling around on the internet.” She motioned towards her laptop. “Can I help you with something?” She hesitated. “You seem… distraught.”

Meg was tempted to tell her, but… “No, I think it’s okay.”

“Is it?”

She sighed. “Just… let me know when Peter’s home, yeah? I think he’s really the only person who would understand.”

“Because… why? He’s bisexual?”

Meg flinched and backed away. “Yeah. Gotta go.”

Jaquie watched her go silently before shutting the door softly. She pulled out her phone and texted Peter.

“Meg was just here. She needs advice from a bisexual person. Urgent.”

Her phone buzzed a minute later. “Detain her. I’m almost at the flat.”

Jaquie ran out of Peter’s room and onto the front porch. “Meg!”

Meg turned.

“Peter’s almost back.” Jaquie motioned inside. “Please, wait for him here.”

Meg considered before nodding. She walked in the front door, brushing by Jaquie as she did. “Thanks,” she said quietly, sitting on the couch.

Jaquie nodded and settled down to wait.

\---

Peter came in, filling the room with his presence as he always did. He took one look at Meg and came to sit next to her. “Meg, Margaret Winters, you do not look like your normal cheery self,” he admonished her. “What’s going on?”

Meg sighed. “I…” She glanced at Jaquie before plowing into her next words carelessly. “I know I said I was straight on the video a while back, but honestly, I’m not, and I always thought I was, but I met a girl, and I like her, and I don’t know what to do. She’s straight, so there’s no hope there, but I was talking to a girl I know who knows Vegan Fred, and she said that I can’t be bisexual if I haven’t ever dated a girl. You know? So I just don’t know what to do. Is this what you face? Discrimination? Because I am so, so sorry, Peter. I didn’t know it was like this. And it’s been, like, two days since I realized I was bi.” She sighed. “Sorry, that was a lot.”

Peter frowned. “So… you can’t be bi if you haven’t dated any girls?”

She nodded.

Jaquie frowned, copying Peter. “Bullshit.”

Meg shrugged. “It’s what she said.”

“Any friend of Vegan Fred’s can’t be trusted,” Peter said.

“I’m a friend of Vegan Fred’s,” Meg reminded him.

Peter made a face.

“But… I mean… what if she’s right?” Meg asked.

“About what?” Peter demanded.

“I haven’t dated a girl. Maybe she’s right.”

Peter shook his head. “Meg… Margaret Winters. You are valid, no matter who you’ve dated. Do you understand me?”

Meg sighed.

Jaquie laughed suddenly. “So date a girl.”

“Unfortunately, the girl I’m interested in doesn’t like girls,” Meg said wryly. “So that’s out.”

“Be casual,” Jaquie suggested.

“I don’t…” Meg frowned. “I don’t want to do that. I want to be careful right now, as I’m figuring this out. You know?”

Peter looked a little upset but brushed it off. “So be… I don’t know. I don’t know, Meg.”

“What if it was all fake?” Jaquie suggested.

“What do you mean?” Meg asked.

“I don’t know. Do you have to see this girl again?”

Meg nodded. “She’s at Vegan Fred’s house a lot. He has a lot of visitors, and she’s definitely a frequent one.”

“Pretend I’m your girlfriend.”

Meg fell silent.

Jaquie suddenly felt really uncomfortable, but she kept up the eye contact with Meg, willing her to agree. It would solve Meg’s problems, and… She would be safe.

“Are you bi?” Meg finally asked.

Jaquie shook her head. “If we’re really going to label everything in this world, you could say I’m… panromantic asexual.”

“But you and Peter had sex?” Meg asked slowly.

Jaquie smiled slightly. “If you’re going to accept that you’re in the queer community, you have a lot to learn.”

Meg studied her for a moment before nodding. “I accept your fake dating proposal.”

Jaquie grinned. “Excellent. We’ll be the best fake couple the world has ever seen.”

Peter stared at them. “This can only end in tears,” he muttered, watching as Jaquie and Meg made plans to go out that night. “All of the tears.”

\---

2\. Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last / But dreams come slow and they go so fast

She was lovely.

Jaquie was surprised at how truly lovely Meg Winters was. She was dazzling and beautiful and never ceased to amaze her. Meg could walk into a room and suddenly everything would feel lighter and happier and Jaquie would start to smile again. Jaquie so rarely smiled like she did when Meg was around.

They went on a few dates. Peter thought it was hilarious. He said they were the couple Wellington deserved, and brought it up constantly, even mentioning it when Ben was filming.

(Ben always edited it out of the videos. It made Jaquie angry, and she couldn’t figure out why.)

\---

Meg walked into the flat without knocking.

Jaquie glanced up from her book and smiled. “Hey, girlfriend,” she joked. “Sit with me.”

Meg sat down and leaned her head against the couch. “People on the internet are cruel.”

“Hey, hey,” Jaquie said. “I’m on the internet.”

“You’re not cruel.” Meg smiled and tucked her arm through Jaquie’s. “You’re perfect.”

Jaquie’s breath caught without warning and she stared into Meg’s eyes for a moment too long.

Meg cleared her throat and the moment passed. “Do you want some coffee? Vegan Fred’s been giving me some tips. I’m pretty incredible at it now; not that I wasn’t before, of course.” 

Jaquie nodded. “I’d love that.”

Meg got up and wandered into the kitchen, humming a lilting tune under her breath, leaving behind an empty space that Jaquie felt in the chill of the suddenly vacant air and in the silence of the room. She found herself wishing that empty space would be filled… permanently. 

If only.

\---

Jaquie slammed Peter’s door and sat on his bed in a huff. “Peter, I messed up.”

“How?” Peter asked, eating a piece of toast while he watched a cartoon. 

Jaquie snapped her fingers in front of his eyes. “Hey! I need your full attention for this. I need help.”

Peter’s eyes shot up and he immediately got concerned. “With what? Money? Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?”

“Shut up,” Jaquie said, rolling her eyes. “No, I need help with Meg.”

Peter’s worried look was replaced with a mischievous one. “You fell for her, didn’t you?”

Jaquie’s heart rate increased. “Is it that obvious?”

“To me, yeah. Considering, you know, we’re best friends.” Peter took another bite. “What do you need help with?”

“What do I do? Tell her? Break off the relationship? Surely we’ve dated long enough now that she can claim she’s had a girlfriend.” Jaquie sighed. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“You could tell her.” Peter shrugged. “Or you could just keep it up and hope she feels the same way.”

Jaquie rolled her eyes and shoved his arm. “Yeah, right.”

“Yeah.” Peter grinned. “Right.”

\---

3\. Same old empty feeling in your heart / Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Meg stared up at the ceiling, thinking and thinking and thinking.

She and Jaquie had been fake dating for almost three weeks now, and it had been one of the best experiences of her life. Jaquie was warm and affectionate, and Meg was finding herself more and more drawn to her fake girlfriend. 

Honestly, Jaquie was one of the best dates Meg had ever had.

What did that mean?

What did it mean what did it mean what did it mean what did—

Meg sat up and gasped. “Oh, god, no.”

\---

4\. Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep

Meg could barely look at her. Jaquie was beautiful, and smart, and witty, and funny, and sarcastic, and kind of a bitch, and she was perfect. And here they were, in a bar, dancing and talking like Meg hadn’t just fallen in love the night before.

Jaquie seemed totally relaxed, having fun. 

Meg envied her.

“Hey!” Jaquie pointed. “Isn’t that biphobic girl? The one who started all this?”

Meg whipped her head around, trying to find the girl in the sea of people. She spotted Annie’s red hair quickly. She sighed. “Yeah.”

“Let’s go talk to her!” Jaquie insisted. “Then she’ll really leave you alone. For good, yeah?”

Meg protested, but Jaquie took her hand and dragged her through the crowd.

“Hey, Annie,” Jaquie said loudly, smiling easily, gripping Meg’s hand. “It is Annie, right? We met at Vegan Fred’s. I was visiting Meg. Remember?”

Annie gave Jaquie an odd look. “Yep. Hi.” She smiled at Meg. “Hi, how’s it going?”

Meg smiled tightly. “Good.”

“So.” Annie gave Jaquie a long, cool look. “This is your girlfriend?”

Meg nodded and smiled at Jaquie quickly. “Yeah.”

“So cute.” Annie gave another tight smile. “Gotta go. See you around.”

Meg watched her walk away before turning to Jaquie. “What the hell?”

“She’s still watching,” Jaquie said, smiling easily. “Come on, keep up the happy couple act.”

“That was so awkward. And now, I’m pretty sure she’s just judging us. Why the hell would she be watching us, anyway?”

“Meg, you’re not being coherent right now,” Jaquie added. “Come on. Be cool.”

“I’m just… stressed. How dare she be such a bitch.” Meg was shaking. “Is she still watching?”

“Yeah.” Jaquie studied Meg for a moment. “I’m going to kiss you.”

Meg froze. “What?”

“Just… is that okay? Because it’ll probably make her look away.”

Meg nodded slowly.

Jaquie leaned in and kissed her.

Meg was surprised by how soft everything was—Jaquie’s hands, her mouth, the kiss itself. Everything was soft, and dreamlike, and the noise and the people all dropped away, leaving nothing but Jaquie behind, Jaquie, her first girlfriend, Jaquie, the love of her life, Jaquie, the girl who…

Who she wasn’t really dating.

Jaquie, the girl Meg loved so much she thought her heart would break.

Jaquie, who was pulling away after one of the longest kisses Meg had ever experienced.

She was smiling. “That was fun,” she whispered. Even her eyes were soft, her smile was soft. Jaquie was soft.

Meg was probably smiling, too. She just nodded.

Jaquie grabbed her hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Meg nodded again and followed her out into the street. They walked home in silence, both thinking.

\---

Meg frowned, staring at her ceiling again.

No.

This was too painful.

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stay in her eyes where they belonged, but one escaped anyway.

God, she didn’t want to do this. But she had to.

\---

5\. And you let her go

Meg sighed before picking up the phone. She waited as it rung, tapping her foot impatiently.

“Hey, babe,” came Jaquie’s voice through the other end.

“Hey!” Meg said, hoping she sounded bright and cheery. “Coffee? Ten minutes?”

“I’ll be there.”

Meg hung up and bit her lip, trying to keep from crying. 

“I’m sure you will.”

\---

Meg took a sip of her coffee and looked straight at Jaquie. “So.”

“So.” Jaquie smiled.

“Have I told you how grateful I am that you did this for me?”

Jaquie nodded. “Multiple times. And it was my pleasure. I’m serious.”

Meg’s mind started wandering at the word pleasure and she drifted off.

“Meg?” Jaquie asked.

Meg snapped to attention. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“So… What’s going on?” Jaquie asked.

“I just…” Meg contemplated her next words. “I think we should… break up.”

\---

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.

Jaquie took in a deep breath and hoped it wasn’t noticeable. “Okay.”

“I mean,” Meg hurried to say, “I think we’ve proven the point, and I’m really grateful for you doing this for me, but I just… Maybe it’s time to just… Stop. You know? I think I’ve proven that I’m bisexual now.” She smiled softly. “Thank you.”

Jaquie nodded. “Okay. That’s fine. I’m glad I could help you.” She smiled back and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Meg asked.

“The bathroom.” Jaquie pointed. “I’ll be right back.”

\---

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.

Meg counted to ten, to twenty-five, to fifty, to two hundred, trying to calm down, reminding herself that there would be other girls, other women, other beautiful people, male and female alike, but damn it, none of them were Jaquie Manders. 

She took another sip and felt another piece of her heart wash down with the coffee, going down to settle in her stomach, heavy and hot and painful. 

It was never supposed to hurt this much.

\---

Jaquie stared at herself in the mirror for a moment before splashing her face with water. It was just a girl. Just another girl in this messed up group of friends, and god, she loved her so much, and just like that, Meg expected her to give up on her? 

Jaquie walked out of the bathroom and grinned at Meg, her heart pounding, trying to break out of her ribcage onto her sleeve. She reminded her heart where it belonged and sat down. “So what do we tell everyone?”

“It didn’t work.” Meg shrugged. 

“Okay.” Jaquie nodded. She picked up her coffee cup and held it high. “To endings.”

Meg held up her cup, mouth quivering slightly. “To new beginnings.”

Clink went the coffee cups. 

To new beginnings.


	2. clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."  
> "Better safe than sorry."  
> Jaquie and Meg are perhaps too cautious for their own good. But hey, maybe they're both right. Maybe it really is better to be safe than sorry.

1\. The drought was the very worst / It was months, and months of back and forth  
Meg flopped down on the couch at Vegan Fred’s and stared at the ceiling. It had been four months since she and Jaquie had broken up, and she couldn’t believe she wasn’t over it by now. She should be over it by now. Why wasn’t she over it by now? Thoughts went through her head, over and over, and she fell asleep to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. 

A blanket covered her at some point during the night. She never noticed. 

\---

“I saw Meg today.”

Jaquie blinked slowly and raised an eyebrow at her best friend. “Yeah?”

Peter nodded. 

“Cool.” Jaquie shrugged. “How is she?”

“Come on!” Peter exclaimed, shoving her shoulder. “Come on! Admit it! You’re still hung up on her! Come on, it’s been months, and you won’t even talk to her, which is just the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of! Talk to her! Be her friend, at least!”

Jaquie shoved him back, hard. He fell off the couch, laughing. “What the hell, Peter?”

“Why won’t you talk to her? Or about her?” he persisted, climbing back on the couch and sitting as close to Jaquie as he possibly could. “Why not, Jaqueline?”

She groaned at her full name and got up. “I think I’m going home,” she said pointedly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Same Bat time, same Bat channel,” he said cheerfully. “Drive safe. Dream of Meg.”

“Shut up.” Jaquie grinned and waved as she left. 

 

Peter was dumb.

She dreamed of a woman that night, a woman with long, curly, black hair and a smile that could kill. 

(It wasn’t Meg. She was over Meg.)

\---

“I miss her a lot,” Meg admitted the next morning. “We were good friends, at the least.”

Vegan Fred nodded and poured her coffee, setting it down gently in front of her. “You should reach out again.”

“No way,” Meg said adamantly. “That would be a bad idea.”

“Why?” he asked, pouring a coffee for himself.

“I…” Meg hesitated. “Oh, god.”

Vegan Fred sat down across from her and waited patiently.

“I think…. I think I fell in love with her.” Meg winced. “And I just don’t know that seeing her again would be a good idea.”

He nodded. “Okay.” He motioned towards her laptop. “Tell me about your article.” 

Meg breathed a sigh of relief and began talking about something she knew was safe and predictable.

\---

2\. And by morning gone was any trace of you / I think I am finally clean

They had a night together once. 

Jaquie had been spending time with her, like any good fake girlfriend would, when Meg reached out and touched her cheek. 

“Stay,” she whispered.

It didn’t take much to convince her. 

Meg woke up the next morning with one of the most fascinating, beautiful people she had ever had the pleasure of meeting wrapped in her arms, her head pushed into her chest. It was a little bit uncomfortable and she was a little nervous, but maybe it was a good thing. Maybe it was the best nervous she had ever been.

\---

Jaquie had left her a note.

Meg almost stopped breathing. There was a small piece of paper under her couch with Jaquie’s handwriting on it, from months ago, when they had spent the night together. She picked it up and frowned as the paper shook slightly in her hand before squinting to read what it said.

“you’re the best – to the next 70 years of our lives xx  
(just kidding can you imagine we’d be so old and wrinkled)”

She crumpled it up and threw it away almost without thinking. 

There were no more traces of Jaquie in her flat.

Maybe that was a good thing, too.

\---

3\. There was nothing left to do / When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room

Jaquie picked up her coffee and pocketed the change haphazardly, in a hurry to get to work. She turned around and almost ran into… shit.

“Hi! I’m sorry!” Jaquie exclaimed, too loudly. Much too loudly. She cursed herself and hoped she looked normal. 

(She realized after she left that her hair was wild and uncombed, she didn’t have any makeup on, and she was wearing leopard print leggings her mom had given her as a joke once. Fan-freaking-tastic.)

“Hi,” Meg said in surprise. “What are you…”

“Margaret,” the barista called out.

Meg smiled tightly and reached over to grab her coffee. 

“Boyet’s run out of coffee?” Jaquie asked, smiling slightly.

Meg shrugged. “You know, after months and months of the same thing, no matter how good it is, sometimes you just… need something new, you know?”

“I know.” Jaquie paused and considered. “Yeah, I definitely know.”

Meg nodded. “Well, I have to go… I have an interview.”

“Oh! Of course,” Jaquie nodded. “Right. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Meg smiled. “See you around, Jaquie.” She reached out and patted Jaquie’s shoulder before turning briskly and walking away, walking with a purpose and determination.

Jaquie would never be as driven as that. Or as put-together. 

(Or as beautiful.)

\---

“She’s over me.”

Balthazar bit his lip and glanced at his boyfriend out of the corner of his eye.

Peter lifted one eyebrow subtly before turning back to give Jaquie his full attention. “Why do you think that?”

“She wasn’t awkward or weird about seeing me, and she was calm and collected and even touched me without hesitation or weirdness…” Jaquie thought about those points for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. She’s over me.”

“I—” Peter started.

“Which is fine. It’s been seven months since we fake broke up.” Jaquie sighed. “She has the right to be over me. In fact, I would have been much more shocked if she wasn’t over me. You know?”

“Maybe—”

“And also, I’m glad she’s over me! Yeah! It was good to get that reassurance. Maybe I can go back to the casual thing completely without thinking about Meg. Yeah, it’s a good thing that she’s over me.” Jaquie was nodding, nodding, nodding, convincing herself, trying to convince the others.

“I think you should actually sit down and talk to her about your feelings,” Balthazar said mildly. He was picking out chords on a mandolin and avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the room. 

“What?” Jaquie burst out. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Balthazar shrugged and glanced pleadingly at Peter for a moment.

“I think Balthazar means you should actually communicate in some way,” Peter said. “Yeah?”

“Co-mmuni-CA-tion!” Balthazar said in his best Benedick impersonation. 

“Exactly,” Peter added. “Talk to her.”

“She’s over me,” Jaquie said firmly. “She doesn’t even have butterflies around me anymore.” She glanced around the room. “We’re just friends. That’s it.”

Peter shot Balthazar a look before shrugging. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”

Jaquie smiled slightly. “Thanks, Petrov. Now tell me to get over it like a man.”

“Get over it like a man,” he said obediently. 

“Idiot.” Her smile grew.

“True.” 

Balthazar laughed.

\---

4\. 10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it

Meg couldn’t believe it when she ran in Jaquie. She had seen her around, sure, but never enough to have an actual conversation with her.

It had been months. God, she missed her. She missed her so much. If nothing else, they could have been best friends. 

Sometimes, when Meg was very tired and especially lonely, she found herself wondering what happened. She knew it was her fault somehow, that she had stopped talking to Jaquie out of self-preservation and it had killed the tenuous friendship, but she had always hoped Jaquie would reach out again.

Seeing Jaquie again had shown it was too late—Jaquie was over her. 

It didn’t mean Meg didn’t have a few minutes of hope.

\---

5\. 10 months sober, I won’t give in / Now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it

Meg kept scrolling through her contacts. Her excuse to herself was that she was bored.

She knew the real reason was to hover over Jaquie’s name and pray for an insane amount of courage for just a few seconds. It never happened, though. 

“Why risk it?” she finally asked out loud before putting away her phone again.

It broke her the first time she had to say goodbye to a relationship with Jaquie. She had always remembered the old mantra: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” 

“Not again, Jaquie Manderson,” she whispered before turning off the light and falling into a dreamless sleep.

\---

Jaquie opened her phone to scroll through her contacts. She stared at Meg’s name for a minute before rolling her eyes and calling Costa.

She knew she could count on him. Better safe than sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got asked for a sequel a couple of times and was listening to tswift tonight and was like "aha" so here ya go. enjoy and let me know what you think <33


	3. she

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step 1: Admit the feelings to yourself.  
> Step 2: Communicate.  
> The rest should be easy.  
> Based on "She" by Dodie Clark.

she

1\. Am I allowed to look at her like that

Jaquie swirled her straw in her drink, not really paying attention to Ben, who was rattling on and on about hers and Costa’s latest production. After the first twenty minutes of “I don’t think Marlowe actually intended for this to be homosexual in nature,” Jaquie tuned out and began studying her friends.

The group had all decided to get back together to celebrate several of their graduations. Peter, Balthazar, Paige, and Chelsey had all graduated that day. Freddie was also taking the opportunity to celebrate with her friends, though she had graduated a semester early. 

Costa had come. And Kit, and Beatrice, and little Hero Duke, and her girlfriend, Ursula, and Kel, and Rosa, and some people Jaquie didn’t really know – Elizabeth, and Christopher, and Boaz, and Lillian, and some guy named Flower or something like that. And Meg. 

Jaquie sighed and took a drink.

Ben’s prattling stopped. “Are you okay?” he asked, sincerity flowing out of him like he had turned on a tap. Ben always showed emotion like this – he just let it pour out of him, unafraid to let people know how he felt. 

Jaquie wished she had that gift.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” she said.

It had been years. And yet, still, looking at Meg’s hair, just skimming her shoulders – she had gone through a pixie cut stage – and her eyes, still as bright as ever, and her lipstick, and her face, slightly smaller than it had been before… Well. It would probably never get easier. Jaquie had resigned herself to that fact. 

She still stared, whenever she thought she could get away with it. Whenever Meg wasn’t looking, Jaquie’s eyes followed her every movement, trying to drink her in, to remember her. 

“Do you think I’m creepy?” Jaquie asked suddenly.

“Hell, yeah,” Ben said cheerfully. “I think it’s one of your more endearing qualities.”

“Thanks, Ben. I think the way you don’t ever shut up about the things you really love is one of your more endearing qualities.” Jaquie bit her lip and hoped he didn’t think that was a negative statement.

Ben beamed and bumped his shoulder against hers. “Gosh, thanks, Jaquie!”

She laughed and bumped back. “You’re welcome.” 

Meg laughed at something Christopher said and Jaquie’s eyes snapped to watch her shoulders shake. 

Jaquie shook her head and took another sip of her drink.

\---

“She’s just so nice to look at,” Meg grumbled to Hero later that night.

“Yes, yes, I know, darling,” Hero said consolingly, patting Meg’s curls, smiling a little at Ursula across the room.

“I want to just make out with her and get it over with,” Meg complained. “Why does she have to be so attractive? And wonderful. And great all around.”

“You know,” Hero said cheerfully, “you could probably be getting ready for bed and telling me all about how you feel at the same time! Want to do that?”

“Hm.” Meg considered this for a while. She knew, instinctively, that she was very unsteady on her feet and not very sober, but… She’d give it her best shot. “Sure!”

Hero looked at Ursula and tilted her head towards the bathroom. “Just gonna help her out.”

Ursula smiled and nodded. “Have fun,” she said dryly.

“And the way she smiles? Like she knows a secret we don’t know? It’s so smug, I just want to…” Meg struggled for words.

“Kiss it off her face?” Hero suggested with a grin.

“God! Yes! That. That is exactly what I meant.” Meg nodded a couple of times. “She’s just… so, so nice to look at.”

“I know, dear.” Hero kissed Meg on the cheek. “I know.”

\---

2\. I’d never tell / No, I’d never say a word

Peter stared at Jaquie for a bit. He adjusted his eyebrows to try and seem more menacing. 

Balthazar sat beside him, looking disinterested and wholly unthreatening. 

Jaquie stared back at them, a look of innocence on her face. “Yes?” she finally asked after a while.

“There was a time when I thought I was the stupidest person when it came to love,” Peter started. “Like, I mean… well, you know the story! You lived part of it. But it took so long for me to even begin to communicate my feelings for Balthazar.”

“I know. We had sex because you refused to communicate.” Jaquie smirked at the uncomfortable expression that flashed across Peter’s face.

He shifted and not-very-subtly took Balthazar’s hand. “Anyway. I don’t want you to make my mistakes.”

Jaquie raised her eyebrows. “And what would you be referring to? I’m good with my love life. I mean, if you can call it a love life.” She mused on that for a second. “I’m good with my lack of a love life.”

“It’s a lack of a love life because you’re still clearly in love with Meg,” Peter accused. 

Jaquie laughed. “Sure. Okay. Is this why you asked me here?”

“This was the first item on the agenda, yes,” Peter said.

“Okay, Freddie.” Jaquie rolled her eyes. “Because I do have other things I could be doing.”

Peter frowned. “The next item on the agenda was catching up on shitty tv shows.”

Jaquie paused. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll wait out the lecture.”

“Good. In that case, I’ll continue,” Peter said. “Two nights ago, we were all sitting around a very large table. Many, many people. Lots of different conversations. But I have a feeling that you know exactly what Meg was up to all night long.”

Jaquie kept a passive face.

“And that’s not okay! She deserves to know how to feel, especially since it’s been so long and you still care for her. If not love her,” Peter said. “Do you love her?”

Jaquie laughed again. “Love? I haven’t really spoken to her for years.”

“Do you love her?” Peter asked again.

“Pete,” Balthazar warned him.

“I just want her to admit it. To herself, at the very least.” 

Balthazar shook his head slightly before looking at Jaquie with questioning eyes.

Jaquie shook her head. “I don’t like vocalizing feelings.”

“That’s okay,” Balthazar said. “That’s totally okay.”

“Good.” Jaquie stood and squeezed herself in between Peter and Balthazar, which was no small feat, as Peter insisted on putting as little space as possible between him and whoever was sitting next to him. “Now, which tv shows should we catch up on?”

\---

3\. Even when she’s next to me / We could not be more far apart

Meg shook her head emphatically. “No. No way!”

Vegan Fred frowned. “What? Why not? Jaquie has become quite the promising actress and producer. Working side by side with Costa has really let her shine. You should interview her.”

Meg shook her head again. 

“Surely you…” Vegan Fred stopped. “Sorry, none of my business.”

Meg stared at the ground for a while, holding her hands tightly around the coffee cup before the shaking stopped. “I’ve thought so many times about reconnecting with her over the past three years,” she whispered.

Vegan Fred listened attentively.

“It shouldn’t be this big of a deal. It’s been three fucking years. And yet I just know for a fact that something will happen. Something bad. I can feel it inside me, like, we’re both storms – I’m a thunderstorm and she’s a volcano, and if we try to connect but make it real, it could be a natural disaster worse than ever seen before.” She took a sip of her coffee, still looking at the ground. “Like, I know that’s poetic and stupid, but she made such a big impression on me. The first girl I ever did anything with. The girl who was willing to be my fake girlfriend. And she might not have ever had feelings for me at all.”

He spoke up suddenly. “Do you really think Jaquie never had feelings for you?” 

Meg glanced up. There was a little bit of disbelief in his eyes. “Do you really think I should interview her?”

\---

“Thank you so much for meeting me,” Meg said, crisp, professional. She laid out her blank paper and held her pen at the ready. “Do you mind if we record this conversation?”

“Of course not,” Jaquie said, flashing her grin at Meg. “Thanks for having me for this.”

“All right, we are starting this conversation at 11:03 am. I’m here with Jaquie Wint—Um, with Jaquie from Jaquinetta and Constantine Productions. So, Jaquie,” Meg said, launching into her interview with ease.

Jaquie struggled to keep her face bright and professional, but she couldn’t help but notice the last name mistake. She fought to keep a smug smile off her face, but it was difficult. 

\---

“What’s the weirdest place you and Costa have ever had a play?”

“We definitely performed under a bridge one time. And not a cute bridge or anything – it was muddy and gross and there was an ugly little creek flowing underneath it.”

Meg smiled, but it wasn’t a real smile.

Never had Jaquie felt so distant from Meg. They were strictly a professional relationship, with none of the friendship. Nothing beyond that.

\---

“One time Costa insisted that I break my leg on stage. For realism. He goes to extremes but he believes in true artistry.” Jaquie couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

Meg watched as Jaquie’s smile got a little bigger and her face softened into something that make her look more gentle, more content. Jaquie really was fond of Costa, she realized. That funny little man had become one of Jaquie’s best friends.

Meg reached over and turned off the recorder, vaguely remembering something like this from a tv show she had watched years before. “I just wanted to say… it’s nice to talk to you again. I’m sorry for what happened a few years ago.”

Jaquie nodded, twice, briskly.

Meg turned on the recorder again, feeling like that moment deserved something more from Jaquie. Maybe even an “It’s okay” or “I forgive you”. That moment at least deserved a smile. 

They were strictly a professional relationship now. Meg would have to get used to that.

\---

4\. And she means everything to me

Meg had never deleted Jaquie’s phone number from her phone. Now, she found herself doing what she had done at nineteen – her hand was hovering over the call button by Jaquie’s contact picture, praying for a moment of insane courage.

She pressed “call”.

\---

Jaquie’s phone was going off. She pulled it out of her pocket and checked who it was. 

Meg.

Her eyes narrowed. “Hey, I’m taking my break,” she told her manager.

Katherine nodded, barely taking the time to glance up from the glass of beer she was pouring a customer.

Jaquie ducked into the break room. “Hey,” she said quietly, trying not to disrupt her coworker, trying to catch a short nap.

“Hi,” Meg’s voice said. It sounded different on the phone – a little higher, a little breathless.

Jaquie realized with a flash that maybe Meg was just breathless.

“Hi,” Jaquie said again, stupidly.

“Um,” Meg said. “You already said that.”

“Uh, yeah,” Jaquie said, gathering herself quickly. “What’s going on? Do we need to schedule another interview? Is something wrong?”

“No, no, I just…” Meg paused. “I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to, maybe, get a drink sometime?”

Jaquie took a deep breath and sat still for a moment, speechless. “I, uh…”

\---

Meg was so stupid. Of course Jaquie wouldn’t want to get a drink with her – she made sure of that when she fake broke up with her three years ago. “Sorry, it was stupid. Just ignore me,” she muttered. “I’ll see you around.”

“Wait!” Jaquie’s voice burst through what Meg was saying. “I, um, wow, this was just unexpected. I thought you didn’t even like me; I don’t know, Meg, I, wow, I would love to get a drink with you.”

Meg reached up to play with the end of her hair nervously, gripping the phone tighter, smiling a little bigger. “Wait… really?”

Jaquie’s voice came through, strong, sure. “I would love that. I actually get off my shift here at the bar in about an hour. Do you want to get a drink in a couple of hours? Or you could actually just meet me here and we could get my discount.”

Meg laughed, a spark of hope spreading through her chest, making her feel warmer than she had in a while. “I would love that. You know I’m just doing this for the discount,” she teased the other woman.

Jaquie laughed quietly. “Asshole. I knew it. You were just after my thirty percent alcohol discount.”

“Thirty percent is nothing to sneeze at.”

They were both quiet for a while.

“Okay, well, I’ve got to get off my break,” Jaquie said awkwardly.

“Oh! Right! I’ve got to…” Meg paused. “Get out of these pajamas and get over there, I guess.”

“Oh, please, please, come in your pajamas,” Jaquie said. Meg could just picture the mischievous gleam in her eyes. “God, please.”

Meg snorted. “Okay, fine. I’ll be there in about half an hour. Maybe a little more.”

“Okay. Bye.” Jaquie hung up without ceremony.

Meg hung up and leaned back against her wall, breathing quickly. She had been so nervous for three years for that? 

She began pulling on her slippers, smiling more broadly than she had since Hero had sent her a care package a couple of months ago.

She was going to get a drink with Jaquie. In her pajamas. At the bar where Jaquie worked when she wasn’t being a Wellington/New Zealand-famous producer. After worrying that they would never even be friends again. 

What a wonderful world, indeed.

\---

Jaquie glanced up in anticipation every time the bell rang. When someone with short black curls and flannel pants walked in, she grinned. “Hey, special lady. All drinks, thirty percent off, just for you.”

Meg slid onto the barstool in front of Jaquie, taking in her short skirt, her… very low-cut shirt, her wide smile. “That sounds wonderful,” she said, a huge smile on her own face.

“What’re you drinking?” Jaquie asked, reading over for a glass.

Meg leaned her face on her hand. “You,” she said dreamily.

Jaquie laughed and leaned over to put her face close to Meg’s. “This is a date, right?” she whispered.

“One of the weirdest ones I’ve ever been on,” Meg whispered back, eyes trained on Jaquie’s lips, inches from her own.

Jaquie smirked. “You’re weird, I’m weird. It’s cute. Katherine thinks it’s cute.”

“I think it’s cute that you aren’t doing your job because you’re too busy with your girlfriend,” Katherine shot back from across the bar.

Jaquie pulled back with a groan. “We’ll continue that later,” she promised.

“You bet,” Meg said, following Jaquie’s every move, but this time without feeling like she was watching something she could never have.

She was hers.

\---

Jaquie walked out from behind the bar and slid into the seat next to Meg. “I’m off now,” she announced, that huge smile still on her mouth.

“Do we even have anything in common?” Meg asked.

Jaquie paused. “What?”

“I mean, we kind of fake dated for a few weeks, and then we broke up after we had one night together, and then we had years apart. Why do we still, um, like each other?” 

“Ah.” Jaquie paused. “Well, for one, we’re both extremely hot.”

“Okay,” Meg said, smiling slightly.

“For another, we’re both extremely weird. And sarcastic. And fascinated by people. And we always, always had things to talk about when we were fake dating. And if we didn’t want to talk, we would just be together.” Jaquie shrugged, hoping she looked more relaxed than she felt. “And I swear to god, if you’re rethinking this, please tell me right this second, because…”

“No!” Meg exclaimed. “No, no, no. I was just… I guess I always wondered why I thought we were perfect together. I guess you answered that.” She smiled.

Jaquie crashed her mouth down on Meg’s, causing Meg to jump a little bit before kissing back just as enthusiastically. Meg’s hands began to roam slightly, making Jaquie flush a little – Katherine was still watching them curiously. 

“All right, keep it family friendly,” Jaquie murmured against Meg’s mouth.

Meg smiled and pulled back, placing her forehead on Jaquie’s. “Yes, ma’am,” she whispered.

Jaquie’s eyes were shining back at her, sparkling with joy. “We should do that again.”

“We should definitely also talk shit about your coworkers.” Meg raised her eyebrows.

“Yes, please,” Jaquie laughed. “Maybe we should get out of here.” She paused. “Are you still at Vegan Fred’s?”

“Yeah,” Meg said. “He isn’t there this weekend, though. He almost never is.”

Jaquie smiled. “Meg Winters,” she said, “may I come see your house?”

Meg stood up, looking like she was swallowed by a sea of flannel pajamas. She laughed and held out her hand. “Come on.” She kissed Jaquie’s cheek. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was pretty difficult for me to write, mostly because I was always looking for THE PERFECT SONG for Jaquie and Meg. I hope I got it right.  
> Shout out to mypinkheadphones on tumblr for making me think about Meg with a pixie cut for days. I had to throw it in here.  
> Shout out to my brother Bo ("Boaz") and his friend CJ ("Christopher") for sitting in the family room, playing very loud video games the whole time I was writing this chapter, and for making me put them in "or else".   
> Shout out to everyone who read this fic and left me comments or nice tags about it on tumblr! Please talk to me about Jaquie and Meg, or Jaquie and Freddie, or Meg and Freddie, or Paige and Chelsey, or... Okay, you get it.   
> Have a lovely day, lovelies. <3 May you always find your way home.


End file.
